Stoner’s Survivors Guide: You’re Too High on a First Date

Your heart is fluttering. The champagne is bubbling. The night is young. And suddenly it hits you. Somewhere in between ordering appetizers and figuring out what kind of wine pairs well with shrimp, you realize that ‘za sacked you harder than the fall of Rome. That pretty new face across the table is waiting for an answer to a simple question that you can no longer remember. 

“So what do you like to do for fun?” they say again.

Uh,” you mumble. “I smoke weed.”

Well, as luck would have it, the other person begins to laugh behind their menu. “Oh good,” they say. “Because I am baked as shit right now and I can barely read the menu.”

Now there’s one small problem: how are either of you going to make it through dinner and a movie when you are beyond stoned right now? All while getting to know each other? Let us guide you.

Try To Order Food

While there is likely a menu in front of you, god only knows how intelligible it may be to you at this point. Now is the time to make use of your social skills if you have any. Does the waiter have a trusted favorite? Better yet, do you have a menu go-to that most places tend to have, like chicken strips or burgers? Depending on the type of cuisine, you might be able to find a safe route to deliciousness. This is also a great time to learn about your date. Are they an adventurous eater or are they going to freak out if ketchup touches their fries? Are they good to try raw oysters or will they need to make sure mac n’ cheese is on the menu? And what about you? Are you specifically looking for something buttery right now? Do you need chips and salsa to make it to the main course? Have you been to this place before? Do they make amazing tamales? Now is the time to reckon with the little you know and run with it. 

Watch something funny

Okay, you are going to pick what to eat and get out (I say, as if it were that easy - yes I promise it will eventually happen). Once you have in some fashion eaten your meal, your date will be about seeing a film. I urge you to go with something light here lest your get into an argument about wigs and the real meaning of Mordor six hours down the road. If you can make your date laugh, it’ll be great because you won’t have to follow the plot too closely. Try to look for something that punches /up/ not like, something that deliberately punches down (let’s not introduce ourselves to our new date as that guy who laughed at drowning orphans or something weird). Laughing at Beavis and Butthead is usually a good bet if you are confused at what this means. Now that I think of it…they may actually be orphans because I don’t recall seeing their parents often if ever. All of this aside, laughs will come easily, or at least should come easier than usual, if you are both stoned.

Get the digits

Thank this wonderful person for the night you’ve had regardless of whether it kind of sucked. It’s the generally decent thing to do. If you actually had a great time and you want to see them again or share a beautiful rolled joint together under the moonlight or under the light of day, don’t forget to get their digits or follow up contact information if you already have their digits. How else will you invite them over to split a sweet afternoon spliff next week?

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Green Blazer specializes in selling Raw pre-roll cones and accessories, but that doesn’t mean we don’t know our stuff surrounding edibles, come ups, and general weed etiquette. This is one of many articles in our series in our new Stoner’s Survival Guide. Got Questions you want answered? Drop them in the comments and you might see it answered in future Stoner Survival Guides!